a simple poem about love.....

i was just reflecting to myself in the kitchen a few minutes ago about what i have observed in my life thus far..... and started to ryhme.... so im bloggin it....


what can make a person weak?
make you fall to someones feet,
even though you know they are practicing deceit,
love is what makes you weep,
like the juice from a cut rose does seep,
what can make you feel defeat?
a lover gone wrong with whom rose color you see.
who is worth your last drop of blood you do bleed?
of couse the one whose inner beauty does gleam.
as the lambs will before the slaughter bleat,
as so for you my heart does beat.
thou does know you wander of who i do speak,
for only time will tell in this game we try to cheat,
only honesty, loyalty are true to those who do seek,
this is not for the hearted who are meek,
nither of the ones who are cheek.
but the ones who truely need it are the bleak
they are the ones who need it more than a perfectionist neat,
ones who are lacking that sense of inner peace,
those whose anger and hatred does seethe,
afterwards a calm mind does follow after a mended breach,
so tis truth one does breathe,
if said love is such a need.

i have more of this poem... or what ever you might call it.... i am just too tired now to finnish it.... *tryin to laugh......
ha ha ha... yea.... well needed to find another way to tire myself out tonite.... routine was a lil' diffrent tonite folks!!

TO BE CONTINUED.......

some times i wander about my self....i just feel down for no reason. Think it might be from being to happy at work. *laughs her ass off

yea, well since i was last on here, that guy i was falling up for....yea, we are kinda good friends..... which i am comletely happy with. i like being single, i am just a lil' lonely! ha ha ha.

for freedom that is a small price to pay.
of course i have a small amount of loving and cuddling from certian guy friends..... wink wink
you know who you are!! *waves to them grinning ear to ear

i am now a powwow and festival vendor now!
BIG LIFE GOAL ACCOMLISHED.......
ever since i was little i always dreamed of vending at powwows! selling the things i made. and the social life of a vendor, very rich! yea sweeti! rich rich rich! almost like family ties! ahhhhh

dreams are so fun to have and even more fun when they come true! yessssss!!!!

i learned to make native american frybread! and it is great!
also taught myself to crochet (with help from my mother) less than a week ago, making a poncho and have messed it up already!

havent drank but once since my birthday in june and have an unopened bottle of baileys in the fridge, the big one...ya....ha ha ha

i might start selling my flash art....so heads up....keep lookin at ppls tats, you might just see my stuff on their hydes!!! *blows a kiss

i started reading a book by Dr. Wayne W. Dyers......Being in balance, here is a link to the book...
http://www.onespirit.com/doc/full_s...ryId=096920B115

if i were you i would check it out...much wisdom to be held in one hand..... life changeing material!! READ IT IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOR THE BETTER OR HAVE A BETTER UNDERSTANDING OF YOUR LIFE, OR TO HAVE A BETTER OURLOOK ON LIFE....OR TO GIVE YOU THE OPTION OF A BETTER HAPPIER LIFE!!

READ IT!! READ IT!! READ IT!! HA HA HA
(sorry had to get that out of my system! lol)

i still have yet to learn to play guitar.....i will....it is going to happen, i might go fishing tomarrow! the fella im going with is from johnstown and plays guitar in his band so im sure he will help me out a lil'! maybe if im lucky!
wink wink*

okay pplz,

i know im not a man, but this is what the test ppl at okcupid said bout me!!

i am a super hero!!

reowwwlll!!

Conan the Barbarian You scored 68 con resolution, 72 assertiveness, and 73 action!

Man, you get right to it, don't you? You don't know how you're going to fix the problem, but that doesn't keep you from tackling it. You eat food like a pig and probably have sex like one, too. Don't worry, there's nothing wrong with either of these things. Some women love a man who is just pure animal, especially in bed. Growwwwl!!!....Crom...

i think i am falling up....
yes, i know it sounds weird. It kinda feels weird, but nice.
Kinda like falling in love. only different, kinda falling in like.
Only you once fell for that special person before, twice over, an you had kill the feelings twice over.....
Like I said, weird.....
The problem is I run from love, so it makes it really really hard for me.
I kill it as soon as I realize it snuck in the back door....it only causes pain an suffering.

at least in the past it has,...

my health will not permit much pain any more, for the sake of my beating heart i am trying to protect....

so love, it can wait til I'm ready, but liking someone is aloud this time!

take care and may the creator bless thee....in many ways

redfeather*~
08-21-2006

has and has not

is an is not

will an will not

:

:

it is always one or the other

:

:

never in between

:

:

because there is no such thing

as

:

ALWAYS

:

or

:

NEVER!!!

:

:

:

But thats just how the world spins,

the way its not supposted to.

:

you can look for an apple with no spots,

but will keep searching til you die.

:

you can have some one tell you they love you,

but expect them to lie.

:

ask the man of your dreams out,

an he'll say when pigs fly.

:

think you have a friend an let all your walls down,

and then they will roll the dice.

:

think every thing in your life is going good for a change,

thats the beginning of when you'll sigh.

:

find the object you have been dreaming of,

but be a dollar shy.

:

think you have a true friend that knows you truely,

an they didnt see you shine.

:

your finnaly getting along with your mother,

then she'll draw the line.

:

think your preacher is the best,

till you catch him at the club high.

:

after you live your life then is when you will ask,

WHY??

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

it is because that is just how the human race is,

homosapiens are not

just

righteous

upright

good

honorable

honest

worth

exemplary

noble

right-minded

good-hearted

dutiful

trustworthy

equitable

scrupulous

conscienctious

ethical

fair

impartial

commendable

praiseworthy

guiltless

blameless

sinless

peerless

sterling

matchless

deserving

laudable

creditable

charitable

philanthropic

sane

loving

:

:

:

an most of all....

:

LOYAL

:

:

everyone seems to be all the same,

you trust them to trust you,

you tell them your deepest thoughts,

you deepest emotions,

and even beliefs....

:

and they ground you like your nothing to them.

:

you try your hardest to show them you are trying your very best to help them,

and they call you conceded when you think you might have helped.

:

when you are only trying to let them know you care.....

:

not like you went around to everyone you know,

an everyone you met saying you helped some one,

JUST to get attention

:

cause you didn't

:

you just wanted to let that person know you tried to help....

:but instead you get slapped in the face.

:

being a caring person is a really hard thing to do

:

it happens an awful lot,

when people take you that way,

it just dont seem right.

:

you wanna help,

but then you hesitate,

wondering if or not they will see your true colors,

or if they call you fake?

:

:

it happens,

it is life,

and there is nothing you can do but one of two things...

:

:

:

you can

:

one

be honest and faithful to your friends and help them to the best of your ability

:

:

OR

:

:

two

put up all walls possible, an stay out of harms way at all cost of being hurt

:

:

I am at a cross road now,

and until i find out my health cant bear being a good friend any longer...

i will be the way i am til i die....

and that may be tomarrow

:

what ever the creator wishes my soul

:

my soul will be retrieved when god wants to pull it out

and that is all there is to say

:

if i die tomarrow,

my friends can read the cause,

and

the love i have for man kind

no matter what

i will be one who is

and always will be

loved by many.

:

:

just dont worry if i do pass

i will watch over you still

as in death

as in life

:

it is just a renewal

of

:

my love for all of you

:

take care always

:

:

:

;

:

an

:

good-nite
:

redfeather

08/17/2006

For every hurdle "there is a way to jump it!!"

Whether its a shallow jump or a mighty stretch of one,

"there is a way to jump it!!"

It may be a tough one since I'm very limited on time an resources, but....

"there is a way to jump it"!!

When I was around seventeen, this very strong urge came over me to just get up and go.

Nothing else mattered, all I knew is I had to get out of here and "right now".

I didn't know where, or why i would even want to leave,

and was confused on what could have brought on this sudden rush of anxieity.

This unseen force of gravity trying its darnedest to pull me away from everything I've ever known,

all the people that I've ever loved,

all the places i was framiliar with.

It wanted to tear me away from the reality of my life as I knew it..........

and it didn't stop there.

It drove me crazy as i remember,

for around a week.
I kept wanting to leave everyone I knew and cared about.
It even was strong enough to make me not worry about losing my job.........

and anyone who knows me good enough,

would know when i say some thing like that, some things up........
I had no thought or care for the ones who would notice and experience

my presence missing from there lives.
No feelings of regret or remorse.

No Curiosity No fear...

Fear of arrest

Fear of dissapointment

of mislead

Fear of solitude

Fear of accident

of injury

No fear of abuse

or of rape.....
My mind kept on trying to detour the connection

that the useen had bestowed upon me,

yet it had no effect on its grasp to my spirit,

for where I was to go that day i have never made it....
because I never listened to that

yearning

calling

destiny

fate

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

For since that unseen has latched to my very existance,

I have ignored it and suppressed it,

and it has done nothing but bug the hell out of me.

:

~*~
:

"Theres no such thing as coincidences,

its meant to happen,

or you make it happen,

if not it never will"

:

~*~

:

that is my life philosophy as of right now,
it refers to luck
it refers to love
it even refers to unwanted or unneeded happenings,
but most of all it refers to life.....

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

your soul picks the life you are to live,

lives you are to change,

change that effects the whole world....

the universe as a whole.....

~*~

This is just the way i veiw the world,

and the beings in, and on it....

~*REDFEATHER*~

07-05-2006

I went to bed last night wandering if I'd ever meet him.... not any one I've ever met in person.

But someone I've only interacted with in my dreams....

Seems like I cried forever, and now I know why my one side of my head hurt so bad today...

I woke up this morning ill like usual and remembered.....

many people at work today noticed my behavior was very different from the spunky, overly, excited,

smiling, laughing tiffany they were used to.....

It nomally dont last long, just a day or two, but always to soon to return,... the sorrow of having to

part with your other half........

The concert kinda linked the two together, now i just have to find out how....

It seems like when i play the music from the second band or try to recall the moments of.....

This erie gut feeling befalls me, one like no other, anxious yet nausiated,.....

Remembering this feeling, it scares me, i have felt it, just not this strong.................

This is the beginning of an awakening, of what I'm not sure....

For the whole world, a select few, or just myself, this is seriously strong.....

The last time this feeling was this strong i had a premonition, in January/February 05'

It was of a female I concidered family, she fell down and got hurt, I couldnt see her face,

just her lower back, and she fell like she slipped, all of a sudden....

So i warned all who i felt was family......

To me a family is a group of people who work in unisen, making things work,...

Helping others out when they need it, and when you need help they help you.....

Had two familys then....

My blood,.....my work (burger king).....

With it being cold and icy out I felt it was one in the family who was elder....

more subseptable to broken hips....but i still was unsure.....

so i told my manager at BK to let all the females know and to pass it around...

let all the associates know to be careful.....

called all my family by blood or told them in person....

was all quiet for two weeks.....

Then I got news from one of my co-workers....

She was not herself, and when i asked if she was okay,she started to cry....

Deciphering through her tears of shock, mourning for one,......

The night before, her cousin was stabbed to death, in front of her three year old....

The one who commited this crime, the one the child seen as daddy....

what,..... why,.......

The manager never told anyone......

I let them down,........

Was my responsibility to tell them, I trusted her,......my fault.....

Not again......

only this time I only have the feeling, nothing to go with it....

so it scares me, alot, an ive been telling every one I know about it....

Thinking maybe its linked to them.......

Looking for an answer,

who...what....when...where....why.....................................how?

some day I will know, but it may be too late.....

Thats not how its supposed to be.....

If it is the way it was before, great spirit help us....

To find the way to follow,...

to find....

to seek......

I feel i have a true purpose, one to help others......

Evaded, isolated,.....

Ignored it too long...

Not any more,......

Not again.....not again......

you as well as I know It cannot be ignored,....

Will not be ignored.....

It is a journey,.....one we have no way knowing,

one taken in the black of night.....

Take my advice, dont get lost

THE...CONCERT...ROCKED....JULY 25TH 2006
ASS Current mood: anxious
Category: Music

OOHHHHHH MY SWEET GOD!!!

If it werent for him i wouldnt have been there!!

i won the tickets to O.A.R. thrue wnci, and it was weird....

the question was "whats in matts boxers?"....its brown, squishy, and leaves a nasty stain!!
right away being a woman i told my friend amber "CHOCOLATE", and then she got her phone out and curious i asked who, and she replied"hell im going to win those tickets!"
of couse she was the one driving since i dont know how, so she said she was going to give it up.
i told her id keep trying, so i rushed to get my cell and started to call and call and call, and it rang and so used to hanging up i took and pushed the red button once more!!

SHIT

SO I CALLLED BACK REALLY FAST AND IT RANG AGAIN!! A GUY PICKED UP AND I COULD BARELY HEAR HIM, SO I PLUGGED ONE EAR AND LISTENED TIGHT WITH THE OTHER!! HE ASKED ME WHAT THE ANSWER WAS AN OF COURSE I TOLD HIM "CHOCOLATE". HE SAID THAT WAS THE RIGHT ANWSER AND TOLD ME WERE TO PICK THE TICKETS UP AT AND WHAT THEY WERE FOR, BUT HE WAS SO FAINT I COULDNT HEAR!

after i got off the phone amber asked what the tickets were for and i told her i had no clue!!

SHE SAID WHAT!! YOU HAVE TICKETS AND YOU HAVE NO CLUE WHAT THEYRE TO?? YOUR NUTS!!

i said "well i won, ive never won anything like this before"!!!! ive never called into a radio staion before!
she made fun of me the whole way to family video! and then when we got there our friends we were hanging with from work, made fun of me too. cuz i was screaming in the parking lot

(i was so exicited)!!

finally it came on the radio

and i was on it!! yes!!

so i took an listened to it closely......
an it was concert tickets!! yes!!

keep in mind ive never been to a concert

, so i was exuberatant, flutterby, oberly exited after that! and i screamed again!! yes again!

so i took and requested the day off work and told ever one i met(just about)!!
and then the day came!

the day of my first concert, what was weird was that when both me and amber woke up, we both felt like we were in a foreign counrty?? ive been to england and she went on a missionary trip...so thats both how we've felt, but shes been to a concert before, i haven't.....we still have yet to figure that one out!!
so we got ready to leave and left got the four cameras(disposeable) and hit the road to columbus!! YEA!! we decided to go to buca di beppos for lunch then hit the line, we drove by the pavilion at 2pm and there was already people lined up....yea!! this was going to be great, so we ordered the small spagetti w/meatballs and the garlic bread with mozzerella cheese, we got the kitchen table, which is locatated right in the kitchen (kinda). ate while amber gawked at the waiter, wasnt bad lookin but not the greatest.

after we ate we walked back to the car with our leftovers(which i ended up pitching) finnished getting ready and walked to the lines...which still wasnt bad. we sat in line for about three hours, which was fun too. i took some pics there too.

then they opened the gate, wow adrenaline rush, and i take a beta blocker!! they scanned my ticket and i got to enter i had a hard time keeping up with amber, but i finnally did about around the corner!

then we seen the stage,........... WOW!!

WE WERE HERE, FINALLY!!
WOW, MY FIRST CONCERT!
YES YES YES YES!
NOW I CAN EXPERIENCE WHAT MY DAD ALWAYS TALKED ABOUT !!!!!!
So we waited and waited and waited some more, me and amber managed to get third row from the front, which wasnt bad.... concidering, how many people was there!

wow! i was actually there!

so i told every one it was my first concert and they said they were going to leave as soon as jacks manaqiun left, so i was set!!

Some guys moved around and people started to get anxious, then they came on!! wow great times! the bass guitarist kept his eyes on me almost the whole time!!lol! they left and the crowd shouted play one more song over and over again, they were gone... so those girls took and left.

i took theyre spot and me and amber got the bar!! front row baby

IT TOOK FOREVER and then.......

O.A.R CAME ON!! YEA! MY BAND, YES YES YES!!

and they opened with the song about columbus!! i didnt know any of the songs so i felt like a dumbass.... after awhile they played some thing i knew!!

HEARD THE WORLD!!

I FINNALLY GOT TO SING ALONG, I WAS JUST GETTING INTO THE MUSIC AND KINDA DANCIN BEFORE

AND THE BAND NOTICED THAT, SINCE I WAS IN THE FRONT ROW....AND THEY GOT KINDA EXITED WHEN THEY SEEN ME SINGING!!

LOVED IT EVERY MINUTE....ALMOST....

THEYRE WAS A SIGN POSTED THAT SAID
"BY BANDS REQUEST -CROWD SURFING IS PROHIBITED"
WELL THAT DIDNT STOP THEM!! ABOUT HALF WAY THROUGH THE SHOW IT GOT REALLY HEAVY!!
AND THE EVENT STAFF HAD TO GET THEM BACK ON THE GROUND,....RIGHT OVER THE FRONT ROW HEADS!!
SO I GOT KICKED IN THE HEAD!! LOL!! YEA, IT WAS KINDA FUNNY THOUGH!!

FIRST CONCERT YEA!!

THE LEAD SINGER MARK!! HE LOOKS JUST LIKE ONE OF MY FRIENDS, A GUY I USED TO WORK WITH, AND KINDA CRUSHED ON FOR AWHILE,....AND ALL THE PEOPLE THAT I WORK WITH KNOW WHO IM TALKIN BOUT....LOL!

WELL WOW YET AGAIN, I STILL HAVE THE ADRINALINE RUSH!!

AMBER WAS GETTING READY TO PUNCH SOME CHICS THAT WERE BEHIND HER SO SHE HAD TO LEAVE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PERFORMANCE, KINDA SUCKED THERE WITHOUT HER....
SHE TOLD ME LATER THAT SHE ENDED UP PUNCHING SOME CHIC THAT WAS LIGHTING A BONG....LOL! HER BF WOULDNT MOVE SO SHE PUSHED HIM OUT OF THE WAY SO THE CHIC PULLED HER HAIR SO AMBER PUNCHED THE CHIC....LOL
I LOVE THAT GIRL SO MUCH LIKE A SISTER!!
THEY PLAYED ONE MORE SONG THAT I KNEW AND LEFT, I FIGURED I BETTER LEAVE, THE CROWD STARTED TO CHEER ONE MORE SONG AGAIN, (SO I LEFT NOT KNOWING THEY ACTUALLY WAS GOING TO CAME BACK!!) SO I ASKED THE DUDE WHO ALWAYS GAVE ME WATER TO PICK ME UP SO I COULD GO CHECK ON MY FRIEND, SO HE DID AND THE GUY BY THE GATE ASKED IF HE JUST PICKED ME UP OR IF I WAS CROWD SURFIN, ........

HE PICKED ME UP!!
so let me thrue and i noticed they started playing again.....great there goes that!!
so i called her and she said she was in the car, she got kicke out!! im like what??!!!
i left an frealized that i didnt have any merch. so i went back in and picked out an awsome tee shirt noticing i only had enough to pay for that and nothing else....so i gave the guy the money after cunting it and trying to bargin with the guy who was selling the jacks maniquin stuff, and i mysterously had ten extra!!! so i got some buttons too!!
so we drove home after getting some water in me....i was feeling kinda faint!! lol
when i got home i was so gritty from sweat!!
it was so great, and i think every concert after this is going to be wack because of how cool this one was!!

I <3 YOU O.A.R!!