okay pplz,

i know im not a man, but this is what the test ppl at okcupid said bout me!!

i am a super hero!!

reowwwlll!!

Conan the Barbarian You scored 68 con resolution, 72 assertiveness, and 73 action!

Man, you get right to it, don't you? You don't know how you're going to fix the problem, but that doesn't keep you from tackling it. You eat food like a pig and probably have sex like one, too. Don't worry, there's nothing wrong with either of these things. Some women love a man who is just pure animal, especially in bed. Growwwwl!!!....Crom...

i think i am falling up....
yes, i know it sounds weird. It kinda feels weird, but nice.
Kinda like falling in love. only different, kinda falling in like.
Only you once fell for that special person before, twice over, an you had kill the feelings twice over.....
Like I said, weird.....
The problem is I run from love, so it makes it really really hard for me.
I kill it as soon as I realize it snuck in the back door....it only causes pain an suffering.

at least in the past it has,...

my health will not permit much pain any more, for the sake of my beating heart i am trying to protect....

so love, it can wait til I'm ready, but liking someone is aloud this time!

take care and may the creator bless thee....in many ways

redfeather*~
08-21-2006

has and has not

is an is not

will an will not

:

:

it is always one or the other

:

:

never in between

:

:

because there is no such thing

as

:

ALWAYS

:

or

:

NEVER!!!

:

:

:

But thats just how the world spins,

the way its not supposted to.

:

you can look for an apple with no spots,

but will keep searching til you die.

:

you can have some one tell you they love you,

but expect them to lie.

:

ask the man of your dreams out,

an he'll say when pigs fly.

:

think you have a friend an let all your walls down,

and then they will roll the dice.

:

think every thing in your life is going good for a change,

thats the beginning of when you'll sigh.

:

find the object you have been dreaming of,

but be a dollar shy.

:

think you have a true friend that knows you truely,

an they didnt see you shine.

:

your finnaly getting along with your mother,

then she'll draw the line.

:

think your preacher is the best,

till you catch him at the club high.

:

after you live your life then is when you will ask,

WHY??

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

it is because that is just how the human race is,

homosapiens are not

just

righteous

upright

good

honorable

honest

worth

exemplary

noble

right-minded

good-hearted

dutiful

trustworthy

equitable

scrupulous

conscienctious

ethical

fair

impartial

commendable

praiseworthy

guiltless

blameless

sinless

peerless

sterling

matchless

deserving

laudable

creditable

charitable

philanthropic

sane

loving

:

:

:

an most of all....

:

LOYAL

:

:

everyone seems to be all the same,

you trust them to trust you,

you tell them your deepest thoughts,

you deepest emotions,

and even beliefs....

:

and they ground you like your nothing to them.

:

you try your hardest to show them you are trying your very best to help them,

and they call you conceded when you think you might have helped.

:

when you are only trying to let them know you care.....

:

not like you went around to everyone you know,

an everyone you met saying you helped some one,

JUST to get attention

:

cause you didn't

:

you just wanted to let that person know you tried to help....

:but instead you get slapped in the face.

:

being a caring person is a really hard thing to do

:

it happens an awful lot,

when people take you that way,

it just dont seem right.

:

you wanna help,

but then you hesitate,

wondering if or not they will see your true colors,

or if they call you fake?

:

:

it happens,

it is life,

and there is nothing you can do but one of two things...

:

:

:

you can

:

one

be honest and faithful to your friends and help them to the best of your ability

:

:

OR

:

:

two

put up all walls possible, an stay out of harms way at all cost of being hurt

:

:

I am at a cross road now,

and until i find out my health cant bear being a good friend any longer...

i will be the way i am til i die....

and that may be tomarrow

:

what ever the creator wishes my soul

:

my soul will be retrieved when god wants to pull it out

and that is all there is to say

:

if i die tomarrow,

my friends can read the cause,

and

the love i have for man kind

no matter what

i will be one who is

and always will be

loved by many.

:

:

just dont worry if i do pass

i will watch over you still

as in death

as in life

:

it is just a renewal

of

:

my love for all of you

:

take care always

:

:

:

;

:

an

:

good-nite
:

redfeather

08/17/2006

For every hurdle "there is a way to jump it!!"

Whether its a shallow jump or a mighty stretch of one,

"there is a way to jump it!!"

It may be a tough one since I'm very limited on time an resources, but....

"there is a way to jump it"!!

When I was around seventeen, this very strong urge came over me to just get up and go.

Nothing else mattered, all I knew is I had to get out of here and "right now".

I didn't know where, or why i would even want to leave,

and was confused on what could have brought on this sudden rush of anxieity.

This unseen force of gravity trying its darnedest to pull me away from everything I've ever known,

all the people that I've ever loved,

all the places i was framiliar with.

It wanted to tear me away from the reality of my life as I knew it..........

and it didn't stop there.

It drove me crazy as i remember,

for around a week.
I kept wanting to leave everyone I knew and cared about.
It even was strong enough to make me not worry about losing my job.........

and anyone who knows me good enough,

would know when i say some thing like that, some things up........
I had no thought or care for the ones who would notice and experience

my presence missing from there lives.
No feelings of regret or remorse.

No Curiosity No fear...

Fear of arrest

Fear of dissapointment

of mislead

Fear of solitude

Fear of accident

of injury

No fear of abuse

or of rape.....
My mind kept on trying to detour the connection

that the useen had bestowed upon me,

yet it had no effect on its grasp to my spirit,

for where I was to go that day i have never made it....
because I never listened to that

yearning

calling

destiny

fate

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

For since that unseen has latched to my very existance,

I have ignored it and suppressed it,

and it has done nothing but bug the hell out of me.

:

~*~
:

"Theres no such thing as coincidences,

its meant to happen,

or you make it happen,

if not it never will"

:

~*~

:

that is my life philosophy as of right now,
it refers to luck
it refers to love
it even refers to unwanted or unneeded happenings,
but most of all it refers to life.....

:

:

:

:

:

:

:

your soul picks the life you are to live,

lives you are to change,

change that effects the whole world....

the universe as a whole.....

~*~

This is just the way i veiw the world,

and the beings in, and on it....

~*REDFEATHER*~

07-05-2006