missing someone close to my heart

well i dont know how things are going to be headed with the guy i was talking to.. that i was interested in... i have no clue if he is still interested in me, but eh if he decides he is not interested im going to like i decided before to take a break from it all an let myself grow closer with god. I miss my creator an i know for sure he misses me. That was my new years resolution and ive been keeping with it just not as closely as id like. Something in the back of my mind is telling me to just go to the wind an listen to all to what the spirits have to tell me. Many teachings they have taught me yet. and that i have yet to learn. Things have been tough with temptation and I know now where i stand with this thorn in my flesh. Is to please others so that i may be loved. Now i know that i can be loved without it, but to be loved by another whom has flesh is such longed for. Just i feel and am pressured to give the fruits of my flesh so that i may be loved equally by whom i give my affections to. Seems there is no love without sex now a days. My luck, i thought for a while that a friend of mine would have given me sweet love without expecting more, but he told me that he never goes agianst his word, that he would never love someone, and that he had to have sex in a relationship... he has now since went to texas. I very much miss him... as a friend mainly... i miss our converstaions and our laughs... our small short lived quarrels... and our shared griefs. Only thing i dont miss about him was how he assumed all women were the same... an how much a pessimist he was... seemed he could find no good in anything... and that beauty was no where to be found rather than searching for beauty in life right in front of him... sigh*

Its really hard for me to let go of people whom i hold close to my heart. I will never forget him an i hope we come to terms with each other. Hurst so much that he didnt believe me when i told him why i couldnt date him at that time. Hurt so much i acctually took his threats an obscene false accusations as an idea... an now i dont know where they are going... I know for sure that god has a plan for us an i hope dearly that he takes care of my big bad wolf... metal head... sigh*

ever time i hear one of the songs that was on his profile or that we exchanged i pray for him an his dreams. I see he did get one... an that was texas. :)

oh well we will see what happens

til then i will feel a place in my heart empty, for he helped me become who i am now. an now one knows that better than myself

for now... til later... walk in beauty... and take care of yours an your own

with love always

tiffany redfeather